Letting Go

These past two weeks have been a whirlwind, and even though I knew they would go fast, I didn't expect to find myself here so soon.

Brandon and I decided to go our separate ways Valentine's Day weekend. It was one of the hardest decisions we've ever had to make as a couple, but one that we both agreed on...It's odd when breakups are mutual. Past relationships have allowed me to disassociate myself because I didn't want that person in my life, and knew I wouldn't see them again. With Brandon it's the exact opposite. I want him to do well, and to succeed and I hope to be in the loop and to be able to celebrate his successes with and for him, because we have celebrated so many successes as a couple.

Ever since I met Brandon he has wanted to move back to Seattle, and initially I had promised that after I was done with school we would move and start a new life. We vacationed there, and trip after trip he made me fall in love with the city; I even toured the University of Washington in hopes of being accepted to the Museology program. But in the end, I didn't end up keeping my promise, and have my reasons for not wanting to move to the Pacific Northwest. This hard realization came and although we tried to be honest, we danced around the topic for too long; and Brandon said that he needed to go.

Although I do not see myself in Seattle now, I didn't want Brandon to stay in Arizona and resent me for staying. I want him to go, I want him to be happy like he says he will be when he gets there. I want him to do the things he wants and to grow as an individual.

As for now, I have left our small town of Bisbee for an area with opportunities (and a Trader Joe's!) in hopes that I can start fresh and that we can both focus on what we need to focus on, to get where we want to get.

This time has revealed so many things that I have been thinking of for so long. I've been supported by so many wonderful people and have seen the true dark faces of a few. The decision to leave was not easy, but with each passing day I know that it was what needed to happen. I feel vulnerable and alone without my small family, I think about how 'perfect' my life was and how in less than a month things have changed....but time will reveal a brighter tomorrow. Oskar and Olive are with Brandon for now, I have some time before he leaves to get an apartment so that they can come be with me. I'm excited for the future, and for some personal discovery, I now have the opportunity to better myself in ways that I've always wanted and that is pretty darn exciting if you ask me!  

A final note: I was inspired by a fellow blogger who wrote daily about her entire first marriage and her eventual divorce, and was faced with questions of what her blog would become. Like her, I will not delete any pictures or posts of Brandon. The last three years are a part of my story and who I am, and I have no reason to hide them.